Maintaining Boundaries on Vacation

Back when we were a family of five (with three little ones ages 5, 3, and 1), we packed everyone up for a month-long stay in Denver, Colorado. Traveling with three kids under 5 was no small feat, but knowing how to maintain boundaries made all the difference. 

We stayed in an AirBnb, which afforded us most of the luxuries of parenting at home, minus everyone having their own bedroom. Our oldest girls shared a room while our youngest slept in a pack-n-play in our room. Living in tight quarters can do wonders for connection — or make you want to pull your hair out! 

Here are three strategies for maintaining boundaries that kept us sane during a month of living and traveling in and around the Denver area. 

Be consistent and compassionate.

When it comes to maintaining boundaries while on vacation, consistency is key, just like at home. Here’s the thing about boundaries: they’re often misunderstood and, at times, ineffective, whether at home or while on a trip. This leaves us feeling frustrated and overwhelmed. Remember, a key aspect of setting and maintaining boundaries is understanding that they don’t require any action from the other person. Rather, boundaries are about deciding what YOU WILL DO or how YOU WILL RESPOND if someone crosses your limits. If a boundary is crossed while traveling, use it as a teachable moment to discuss feelings and reinforce the expectations. Take, for instance, our kids who struggled with wanting to watch more TV than usual while away from home. If we could time travel, we’d go back and say something like, "I know it feels fun to watch more TV, but remember, too much screen time can make our brains a bit tired. Let's find something fun to do together outside instead!" In this example, we maintained boundaries by validating their feelings, restating the boundary, and then offering an alternative. When we approach these situations from a place of empathy, it allows us to connect and guide rather than control. This encourages cooperation and mutual respect, which ultimately makes vacation more enjoyable for everyone. 

Maintain routine (with a touch of flexibility).

We did our best to maintain some semblance of a routine during our stay. Since we know younger children thrive on consistency, keeping to regular mealtimes and bedtimes was a priority for us. It helped prevent over-tiredness and curbed some of the meltdowns. Most nights looked just like those at home: dinner, followed by cleanup, baths, storytime cuddles, and lights out. When a nap was missed due to climbing the Rocky Mountains or a bedtime was later after watching fireworks during a July 4th celebration, we remained flexible. We maintained our sanity by framing these deviations from the norm positively and by preparing our kids in advance. For example, we said, “Tonight, we’re going to have a special late night to watch fireworks! We’ll be a bit tired tomorrow, but it’s okay because tomorrow we’ll have a quiet morning to relax.” By being mostly consistent with our routines, while also managing expectations for changes, our kids were better prepared to adapt to new experiences.

Team up with our kids pre-vacation.

This is arguably the most important tip of them all, and one you’ve likely heard from us before. We need to team up with our kids by starting the conversation about our travels well before they begin. Before we left for Colorado, we read books, watched videos online, and talked about what our journey would look like. We began drawing the picture together and fantasized about the adventures we would have over that one-month period away from our day-to-day life at home in Massachusetts. We listened to our kids’ input. Our oldest wanted to visit Red Rocks, an open-air amphitheater, and our 3-year-old just wanted to get some ice cream. Both totally doable and enjoyable for all! During our discussions around their ideas, we talked about boundaries like sticking together and being respectful of our surroundings and others. By listening to their suggestions and following through, we showed them that their opinions mattered. This boosted their confidence and their willingness to follow the overall family plan.  

Setting and maintaining boundaries can be challenging, both at home and perhaps even more while away. While it's tempting to relax all of our rules in the pursuit of fun, finding a balance between consistency and flexibility is key. By sticking to some essential boundaries, we help ensure that everyone — kids and parents alike — can be their best selves and fully enjoy the vacation.